Things to Borrow or Not

My office is located in the main office. It is often busy – I do mean BUSSYYY – in the main office. I try to assist as much as possible when students and/or parents come to the office. While assisting I often hear things that make me raise an eyebrow or two. I often ask hear things like this:

Can I borrow…

….a Kleenex? (I’m not sure if I want it back after you have used it.)
….a stick of gum? (Are you conducting a experiment? Do you think I want it back?)
….a peppermint for my upset stomach? (Now my stomach is upset.)
….a santiary napkin? (Please keep it. I have no use for it after you used it.)
….toilet paper? (This list is just getting better and better.)
….contact solution? (How do you suggest I get it back after you have put it in your eye?)
….a comb or brush? (Really?!)
….a toothbrush? (Student said he was rushing to get to school and did not have time to brush his teeth. He was allowed to keep it.)
….deodorant? (Student noted that he forgot to put some on this morning and he had gym that period. It was URGENT that he had deodorant right then. He did not want to smell nor did I want to smell him. So we went out and purchased a container just for him to keep in his locker.)
….plastic utensils? (Teachers/students sometimes forget to bring spoon or fork for their lunch. I think we can afford to replace the used utensils.)

I do believe what people really want to say is Can I have, Do you have, Is it possible to give me, etc.

The word Borrow implies that you plan to give it back to me. There are just some items one can keep.